Escapism
Escape is defined as breaking free from the bonds of control. Seeking adventure to release from everyday life provides novelty, joy, and creativity. Intentional experiences are the spices of life adding unique flavors to enhance wellbeing. Escapes are also sought through vices: in front of televisions, weekend flings, the bottom of a bottle, workaholism, and doom scrolling. We often find ourselves engaging in escapisms that make tolerating presence increasingly difficult. As escape is defined as breaking free from control, however we find ourselves falling prey to the binds that these vices tend to have. When escape becomes a pattern we often lose sight of how we can be and what we’re escaping from.
How Did We Get Here? Pain and pleasure are located in the same region of the brain (ventral pallidum). Just like Newton’s Law of Motion, every object of force has an equal and opposite reaction, pain and pleasure work the same way. What goes up in pleasure has an equal result of pain. We feel this minutely, for example, when we’re done scrolling through Instagram. The more intense scenarios may be when we go through a breakup or experience a hangover. There is also the societal/cultural component of pain and pleasure. Two narratives have invaded our culture: If it feels good keep doing— and— If it feels bad avoid it. Both of these undermine the resilience of humans reinforcing the belief that feeling “bad” is incorrect. Now that we have distraction devices available to us for any given moment, we have ever availability to escape any perceived negativity. However, the root of this has persisted far prior to technological advances of smartphones and tablets.
Cultural Perspectives. The real problem is the capability of tolerating discomfort and boredom. Happiness is not a constant state of being. That may also be a difficult concept to accept when we are taught to believe that happiness is what we strive to be. Parents often say, “I just want my child to be happy.” Then children grow up to believe that anything other than happiness is simply unacceptable. This is a rather recent trend in family systems. Previous generations adopted the idea that parents are meant to raise children to become hard workers and productive members of society. Emotions were not a pillar of what it meant to be a good parent. The shifting narrative results in how children see themselves in the world, how they need to feel, and anything less than happy is problematic. These ideals may seem polarizing, and there is a way to both acknowledge emotions as important AND persevere through life’s difficulties endorsing principles of hard work.
No Longer Escaping. Understanding the pain points that lead to the desire to get out of the present moment is imperative. The three components of presence include awareness, curiosity, and openness. Making contact with the present moment to notice how the body feels is a start to cultivating awareness. Simply noticing sensations, internally and externally, gives us the data to how we are responding to our internal world and our environment. Getting curious requires asking questions rather than making snap judgements. Rather than, “I must be broken and that’s why I’m feeling this way,” try asking, “What am I responding to?” Questions create room to enhance adaptive stories about ourselves. Being open requires letting go of control. This is different from escaping. It is letting go of the idea we have a say in other people’s behavior, that the world is against us, the perceived need to armor up for whatever may happen next, or go into peacekeeper mode. Letting go is freeing! It may take time to buy into this idea, but small steps go a long way. Simply observe, don’t be quick to escape or fix, and (maybe) find solace in the waves of life.
