Favorite Life Lessons
When I think back to my 17 year old self sitting in my high school history class, nearing graduation and contemplating all possibilities, I thought where I might over the next ten years. At that point a group of friends and I were watching the MTV reality show “The Buried Life.” If you’re unfamiliar with the show here’s a summary: A group of guys would make a bucket list, and every venture they endured would be matched with a give back opportunity. In the local Dunkin Donuts we made our bucket list, which of course included skydiving. Thinking back to 2010 feels near and far. While a new bucket list is long overdue, I’ve been doing a different kind of reflecting.
Turning 30 was another one of those milestones that induces both panic and excitement. Almost two months into the new decade I’m starting to settle in. Introspectively I’ve looked back at fond memories, regrets, lessons, and accomplishments to be accounted for. Here’s some highlights and hopes in this season of life.
You are not your thoughts, and you are not what other people think of you.
I used to put a lot of stock into what other people thought of me because I didn’t know what to think of myself. If someone didn’t like what I did or got angry with me I would go straight into the shame spiral. Then I learned that what other people think doesn’t define who you are, and taking on other people’s emotions is not mine to carry.
The tip: Name a couple of people in your circle whom you turn to for different aspects of your life. These are the kindly candid people who will give it to you straight while making you feel loved. Let them be the people who’s opinions matter.
2. There are two types of confidence: the real kind and the BS kind.
I think of this one as what differentiates early 20’s and late 20’s to early 30’s. Looks, job titles, and status are rather minuscule factors in the grander meaning of life. Even though Bumble and Tinder indicate otherwise. The real kind of confidence doesn’t really come from the surface level things people can see, it comes from trust within yourself.
The tip: Get in touch with your values. Aim to surround yourself with people who also have missions, visions, and interests that complement yours. Confidence comes with a bit more ease being in good company.
3. Relationships really do matter.
Doing things all on your own only goes so far. Feeling lonely in the relationships you’re in is a sign that it’s time to explore new ones. Looking for connection is part of the human experience. Sometimes that means getting brave.
The tip: Do something that may be uncomfortable. Take a new yoga class, ask people for coffee, reconnect with old friends. Empower yourself to stay connected.
4. Being sensitive can be a superpower.
If my 20 year old self heard this she probably would have responded, “Being sensitive is being weak.” Being sensitive helps to attune to yourself and other people. This trait is looked often down upon, and that does not mean that the majority are right. Accepting this part of me has made me kinder to myself, and less judgmental of sensitive people around me.
The tip: Devaluing your strengths shuts down a part of you. Recognize your strengths, own them, and embrace them.
5. No one really has all the answers.
I used to call myself a “hot mess” like it was a job title. My therapist called me out on it. What I learned is that if I kept calling myself a hot mess then I would look for all of the reasons why I was failing. I stopped and looked for how I wanted to feel about myself. Then I started looking for ways I could feel more empowered in my life rather than falling to my circumstances. Comparing myself to other people who appeared to have all the answers wasn’t helping either. No one really has all the answers, but maybe the beauty is trying to overcome challenges together.
The tip: Notice when you feel like life is happening to you rather than for you. How can you be more autonomous and take action in situations where you might make excuses?
