Don’t you dare settle for fine.
You know that friend that keeps talking about the business they’re going to start, or their workout aspirations, or how their next relationship is going to totally different…. And time and time again you have the same conversations without much change? Better yet, raise your hand if that’s been you (I know I’m guilty as charged on this one!). We have an ideal version of who we are, but get stuck in where we are now. We can empathize because it’s a common way of being. Yes, this is frustrating both personally and interpersonally. We can give advice to others, listen to podcasts, books, and reels giving us all the tips, tricks, green juices, and life hacks. The real question is: How do we get out of our own way when we so strongly desire more out of life?
What is wrong? This is a common question to ask. Therapists often start off with their clients asking, “What brought you here? Why now?” Of course we want to get to our clients’s stories while understanding their motivation to seek a therapist. Einstein’s quote comes to mind: “If I had an hour to solve a problem I'd spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and five minutes thinking about solutions.” There is great importance in understanding problems, however a greater need may be to deeply connect with how we want to be.
Positive psychology has a mixed reputation. The field has been misattributed with an underlying notion that positive psychology is primarily just thinking positive. In actuality, positive psychology is the field of understanding how to achieve wellbeing, authentic happiness, fulfilling relationships, and optimal workplace culture. Changing patterns won’t stick until we identify who we want to be. Keeping what you’re working towards in focus ignites vitality. It’s a paradigm shift to endorse resiliency in the process of overcoming undesired patterns one may repeat.
You might be thinking of all the people in your life who keep talking about why they can’t change, but turn the lens on you for a moment.
Try this exercise:
Think of various life events on a rating scale of 1-10. Ones are the “rock bottom” moments. These are the moments that shook you to your core possibly influencing you to do something totally different with your life. 10s are the times of elation, evolution, joy, etc. Now think of the days that are in the middle. How many days do you find yourself in the mediocre?
If you completed a self audit of your day, do you have a purpose for each action? If not then how is this action serving you?
Notice the “why” response. Are you working towards vitality, or out of fear?
Understand who and how you want to be. Do your days consist of actions that are supporting the person you’re becoming?
Go back to the first point. Your ones may be some of the worst times in your life, but what did you learn about yourself? Do you find your ones to be your adverse 10s? Now think of everything in the middle. Do you find yourself living chronically blah? Your job is fine, your relationship is okay, hobbies are for “when you have time,” and friendships are on a forever “I need to reach out” list. Do you find yourself stuck in the notion that nothing is really wrong, but you don’t find much to look forward to? You don’t need a rock bottom moment to shake things up. Becoming aware that shaking things up necessitates defying complacency. Dare to do something simply different. Go for a walk when you don’t feel like it, learn a new language, talk with a friend on that list. You have autonomy in turning your mediocre days into your energized life. For all of you Ted Lasso fans, live as the infamous Roy Kent said: “Don’t you dare settle for fine.”
