Fighting the Loneliness Epidemic

We've heard the term loneliness epidemic, particularly regarding pandemic seasons of isolation. Disconnection has been on the rise long before 2020; however, the nature of the pandemic unveiled how poisonous loneliness is for well-being. Loneliness does not necessarily mean the absence of people; it's the lack of connection. Humans have a deep innate need to belong. Attempting to override the need for connection is like trying to override the need for sleep: it's essential to our survival, health, and quality of life. 

Loneliness shows up differently for everyone. Loneliness is a spectrum that can be persistent, dark, and unrelenting on one end and occasional, fleeting, and simply irritating on the other. Some struggle with combatting harsh beliefs around undeserving of feeling loved, ruminate over character flaws, dwell on stories of the past, and worry this feeling is doomed to last. Others have social circles or relationships they can name, yet feel misunderstood, empty, or exhausted by the unchanging charade. 

Ebbs and flows of seasons and circumstances cause inner turmoil leading us to feel the lack of quality people in our corner. Recent college graduates, single people in their 30s whose friends are getting married, divorcees exhausted by dating, retirees redefining purpose, or individuals solely working from home and may not see another human for days at a time experience waves of missing friends, the comfort of a partner, or colleagues to riff with understand adjustments that highlight being alone. We're hardwired for connection and hyperaware when our belonging needs become absent. 

Hard truth: loneliness is not a feeling that will disappear, no matter how many magical pills pharmaceutical companies push. Striking a balance between acceptance of being alone and strategies to ease loneliness requires intentional practice. Being alone with thoughts and emotions gives opportunities to befriend yourself, primarily when struggle arises. Self-practices such as meditation, journaling, music, cold showers, or any other hot podcast topics you might hear these days support mental and emotional well-being creating resilience during times of difficulty. Relational practices, while less discussed, fill imperative gaps in our lives that require imperfect action toward enhancing life. Call a friend, even if you only have five minutes. Ask a coworker for lunch, even if you don't think the conversation will be riveting. Call your mom, even if she tries to tell you what you need to do with your life. All of these strengthen the ability to combat difficult emotions, particularly loneliness. 

Lessons from Group Work. Working in intensive outpatient settings (IOP) for substance use disorders taught many transferrable life lessons. Group work creates a sense of belonging to combat feelings of isolation. Group cohesion describes the social connection that supports shared goals through empathy, growth, and accountability in times of hardship and immense change. Members participated with the mutual understanding that sobriety constitutes the overarching goal. However, the depth of conversations revolved around complexities in the midst of creating drastic life changes. Members talked about feeling alone with their friends they once would drink with, feeling no one understood what it was like to struggle with substance use, and conveyed a sense of unworthiness induced by shame associated with addiction. These topics are human problems that substances try to solve. Did everyone agree all the time? Absolutely not. However, most members adapted to group norms by endorsing challenging conversations with a flair of candid compassion.

Weirdly, I wish there were more options like IOP for more people to attend. Curated spaces to have conversations beyond the surface seem few and far between. However, opportunities hide in plain sight. Recently, a client shared joining an improv group that nourishes the ability to connect with great people. (Have you ever had a moment where you wanted to jump up and down with joy but had to keep your cool? This was one of those). 

Get out of yourself and be with others. Your relational self will thank you.

Relationally Yours,

Brittani