One Thousand Life Lessons
Life lessons are the ones that we keep running into. They appear as treadmills, where we keep racing and go nowhere. We can see them as brick walls that we keep running into and get hurt in the process. They're the occurrences that leave bumps and bruises, yet we keep engaging despite the pain. Life lessons are the meaning we make of events in our lives. We'll continue to wonder when things will change or what is here for us to learn. One of my favorite questions to ask, whether in session or casual (okay, maybe not so casual) conversations, "What life lessons do you keep having to learn?"
Vulnerability: The one we can't ignore. Brenè Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. No wonder it's one of the most complex concepts to grasp. In vulnerability alone, I find over a thousand life lessons. When we're open and willing, vulnerability exists in all facets of life. Lesson one: Keep your eyes, minds, and hearts open.
Uncertainty. Uncertainty results from having limited knowledge, control, or prediction of an outcome. Events such as watching a movie for the first time, reading a new book, or meeting someone new induce a sense of wonder, making uncertainty exciting. Unwelcome uncertainty provokes anxiety, worry, or fear. Both dispositions toward the unknown can simultaneously exist. Understanding how you are in new situations, changes in seasons, or chapters that await builds resiliency.
Exercise: Ask yourself these questions: What happens when you're in fear? How do you respond to unpredictable outcomes?
Risk. Trust builds through risk. Building relationships means giving part of yourself while assessing others' responses—trust layers on a solid foundation of openness, courage, and emotional receptivity. An exercise from Gottman requires couples to ask, "What's on your mind, and what's on your heart?" Anyone willing to go into the depths of themselves to share with another person conceptualizes risks taken day in and day out. Inner trust is rooted in saying yes to challenges. A risk taken with others strengthens the bonds through reliability. Often we become weary of interpersonal risk as we may reveal holes in a relationship we've tried to ignore blissfully. Yet, relational risks are unavoidable and provide opportunities. We don't always see the outcome, making life artistically complex in all its beauty and messiness.
Emotional Exposure. Take a moment to do this exercise.
Think of moments that have brought you to your knees. Hold the memory noticing thoughts and emotions of the experience. Now think of euphoric moments when dreams became a reality. Reflect on how your body feels; think of who was around you during these times. Observe the overall experience in both of the identified scenarios. Bringing strong memories to the surface helps us embrace the raw intensity of peaks and valleys. Curiosity of our own emotions encourages empathic responses when others turn to us for their version of peaks and valleys. Permitting yourself to feel exposes parts of yourself you may have been trying to shove down or bottled up.
Cheers to the life lessons thrown at you left, right, and down the middle. I look forward to learning with you every step of the way.
