Adaptation to Addiction
"How do you handle stress?" When asked this question in graduate school, I thought, "I nail stress management." I exercised at least two hours per day, which consisted of running, boxing, HIIT, and weight training, drank green smoothies (which now seem gross to me when I think of them), tracked workouts, calories, and steps, and aimed to sleep eight hours. Obsessed would be an understatement. Knowing what I know now, I can say that version of me was in addiction when it came to "wellness." Addiction often gets associated with substances. Yet, there are numerous ways addictions manifest.
Addictions sneak up on us and seemingly appear beneficial. If someone works 80 hours per week, they're considered a hard worker. Being fully booked with social engagements indicates that someone is the life of the party. The person who manages to work a full-time job, be a homeroom parent, make homemade Instagram-worthy meals each night, have a spotless car, and make it look easy breezy must mean they have their shit together. Then some people provoke when things go awry. You probably witnessed someone being rude to a barista when their order took too long, know what it's like to receive a one-fingered peace sign while driving, or watch someone lose their mind over an email. Western society hones performing, pleasing, perfecting, and provoking techniques to handle almost anything. People run around relentlessly using maladaptive strategies to manage deep-seated wounds that feel too painful to touch. It's a cycle that holds us from diving into the complex depths of our being and exacerbates mental and emotional anguish, leaving us unaware and chronically stressed.
Trauma is like a tree that has roots and branches. The branches represent how we've adapted to pain. Many people talk about coping strategies and self-care plans to address the branches. However, lasting change entails nurturing the roots. The roots may run deep, require patience, and take time to repair. It's the best remedy we can give ourselves. Some people don't identify with the term trauma. Still, you probably know pain and potentially use strategies such as performing, pleasing, perfecting, or provoking. In that case, you understand how you've managed hurt rather than enduring a healing process.
The famous quote from Shawshank Redemption, "You can get busy living, or you can get busy dying," comes to mind when thinking about change. We can think of how many more minutes, hours, or days we need to "get through," or we can choose to attend each day with intention. The existential process of injecting vitality into life pushes us to examine growth opportunities. When moving through the day-to-day on autopilot habituates, becoming aware of what we're doing is the first step towards change. Awareness is the process of being present with curiosity. We can notice our emotions without becoming entangled in them, understand how our behavior influences ourselves and those around us, and make room to let go of what no longer serves us. Addictions hook us to patterns, behaviors, substances, or ideas that keep up the facade that everything is fine. However, most of us want to be more than fine. Letting go is the first step to getting busy living.
Cheers to living.
