Romance in Reality
The paradoxical nature of the human experience encourages us to straddle contentment with life as it is and passion and desire for the potential of what could be. We're bound to human form with imaginations that free us to run wild. We crave a boundless love that transcends taxes, yard work, and arguments about dishes. The term "unconditional love" describes a state where we can forgo our boundaries and emotions because the love for another shifts far beyond individuality. We idealize a euphoric variation of love, yet we have flaws, imperfections, and relational needs we seek from others. Romance in real life becomes more complicated, way less fantastical, and employs couples therapists. How do we straddle our fantasies of romance in the reality of how we live?
Ancient Philosophy Meets 21st Century. Love has been an ever-long subject of human interest. Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle contemplated what love means and how various forms manifest. There are eight words for love in the Greek language, with unique meanings for each context.
Eros: Love of passion, lust, and romance. The feeling of aliveness describes eros in the context of love.
Philia: Affectionate love that you would find in friendship. Plato believed that philia offered greater love than eros and the strongest relationships built on philia. Platonic love comes from Plato's philosophy. He considered philia the foundation where eros could thrive as friends become lovers.
Agape: Unconditional, selfless, universal love felt by someone who would do anything for another. It is a spiritual love that exhibits people's empathy for humanity.
Storge: Familial love that comes naturally to family members, both immediate and distant.
Mania: Obsessive love that reaches the point of madness. It exhibits extreme jealousy, rivalry, and compulsiveness.
Ludus: With Latin origins, it refers to the playful type of love you would find in dating. Friends with benefits would be a modern-day example of ludus, where neither partner is interested in commitment.
Pragma: Practical love based on duty, obligation, or logic can be very unsexy, yet it's what we've done for centuries. Arranged marriages, marital unions with political affiliations, and businesslike commitments rooted in financial matters or status significance. Modern love is where pragma cohabitates with eros.
Philautia: Self-love in body and mind. On a spectrum, we see the healthy sense of self, individuation, and esteem on one side, with narcissism and egomania on the other. Like all forms of love, it has a balance to strike. Individualistic cultures emphasize this kind of love.
In the Names of Love. These kinds of love paint a colorful picture of all the ways this grandiose four-letter word manifests. We have one word in the English language to describe a vastly elaborate state. Our limited view of love and romance breeds inflexibility in how we view relationships. The more nuanced understanding we can bring in all the ways we relate, the better we can hold paradoxes of love in our humanness. Recognizing when we need times of eros and ludus with times of pragma and philautia helps us cultivate the love we long for. Oscillating various contexts of love demands flexibility in our minds so we may open our hearts to new possibilities. Defy the one-size-fits-all kind of love and delve into the complexities love gives.
Romantically and Realistically,
Brittani
