The Importance of Human Relationships
Allow me to brag about the social work profession. Core ethical values in social work include the following: service, social justice, dignity and worth of a person, importance of human relationships, and competence. Given that social workers utilize social skills for change, how the profession coined its name makes sense. You might have guessed from the title which one this article will focus on.
The NASW states: "Social workers engage people as partners in the helping process. Social workers seek to strengthen relationships among people in a purposeful effort to promote, restore, maintain, and enhance the well-being of individuals, families, social groups, organizations, and communities." The quality of our lives correlates with the quality of our relationships. In an individualistic culture, we challenge independence for interdependence. How can we inherit this social work value to restore our sense of personal and relational well-being?
Individuation: Balancing Self and Others. In family therapy, individuation refers to the individual's ability to maintain personal identity while remaining emotionally connected to the family. The two developmental stages that highlight this process are toddler ages and adolescence. Toddlers recognize a sense of independence, making their own choices and using their favorite word, "no." Simultaneously, they need parents to set boundaries for safety, which results in using the word "no" back. It's no wonder toddlers become ornery; they're experiencing an existential crisis of developing independence while dependent on others for survival. In the teenage years, adolescents navigate independence by testing boundaries and rules, questioning norms, and developing personal interests that defy familial culture. Teenagers begin to take more interest in peers than families, experimenting with fitting in vs. belonging. These developmental stages grow into opportunities for learning throughout life. Adults continue to straddle self-importance, such as work, hobbies, and interests, with relational elements of collaboration, service, giving others time, energy, etc.
Making Relationships Matter. Making relationships matter means utilizing our unique gifts to build quality relationships. The desire to be seen as separate, special, or unique compromises relationships. Egocentricity (and narcissism) stems from an exaggerated sense of self-importance, which erodes empathy, drives shame, and bargains power over connection. The human condition is susceptible to egocentricity, particularly in a culture that endorses success and achievement. It's imperative to see how this seductive part appears in our lives. We can keep this part in check through awareness and accountability.
Self-Awareness Practices for Enhancing Relationships. In couples and family work, I often see people who strongly believe that changing their counterparts will change how they think and feel. To use a cliché, we can't change other people. We can change how we act, respond, and perceive, which enhances our relationships. Engaging people as partners will encourage connection, deepening the importance of human relationships.
Take an audit: How do you get in your own way of connection?
Do you fight to be right?
Do you find yourself being a life coach instructing others on how they should live their lives?
Should people share your perspective rather than seek to understand theirs?
Do you neglect asking for help due to pride of completing tasks independently?
How many times do you use the word "I"?
Overcoming our shortcomings regarding relationships takes work. However, growth happens outside our comfort zone. Restoring relational well-being requires an examination of our opportunities for change. If you said yes to any of the above, here is what to do:
Think of putting to the side the part of you that wants to be right so you can lean into curiosity. It's as if to say to that part, "I'll hear you out later; now it's time for me to listen."
Rather than providing unsolicited advice, use phrases like, "Tell me more." You want what's best for people, and sometimes what is best is for people to feel understood.
If you think people need to agree with you, examining why disagreement is uncomfortable for you may be helpful. Two people can have differing opinions and have a quality connection.
Ask for help, and share the wealth of tasks. Completing tasks for the gold star often grows tiresome. Think of asking for help as a team-building exercise.
You may be eager to share your thoughts, stories, and experiences, but can you challenge yourself by keeping the spotlight on others longer than usual? Notice what happens when you do.
Gift yourself the opportunity to relate deeper.
Cheers,
Brittani
