What Is Enough?
The movie Barbie maintained various contemporary societal concepts. An ode to feminism, examining effects of the patriarchy and the innate struggle to be enough, featured human themes in a doll's world. While (spoiler alert) Ken found his version of being Kenough, most of us struggle with enough as a concept. It may seem ironic, as here in America, we live in a land of abundance—opportunities for individuals to cultivate a personal sense of purpose, fulfillment, and choices extensively available. Our individualist culture bestowed the narrative that success equates to happiness. However, I've had many conversations with people who want for nothing and continuously feel a nagging emptiness.
"What is success to you?" a client asked me recently. To this day, I'm caught off guard whenever a client flips the script, turning existential questions on me. Here's what's interesting: my definition is independent of how others see success. Illusive ideas of enough, fear, success, or failure depend on an individual story conferred by society and internalized beliefs regarding self and others. Often, I hear various ideas of what success means:
When I lose weight and look better.
There's a financial number I want to hit.
When I make an impact in my organization.
Having a relationship and getting married.
All of these pull us into the trap of "I'll be happy when," feeding into the not-enough pattern. We can buy many things to resolve problems (thanks to Amazon), yet sustained contentment does not have a buy-with-one-click option.
Others debunk these theories. "I make a lot of money, I'm good at my job, I'm married, and the kids are healthy. I have all I could want. I still feel empty." When I hear this statement, I usually follow with the question: What would you imagine filling the emptiness inside you? The American way of having solutions fixing almost everything practically immediately seduces us into believing that happiness results from circumstances.
Redefine Enough. Plenty of signs and t-shirts say "You are enough," and now popularized "Kenough" apparel. We can appreciate the positive sentiment of the widespread message. However, affirmations have mixed reviews in psychological studies. Affirmations have brief effects, yet altering beliefs takes more in-depth work. Generating a paradigm shift involves awareness, action, and intentionally challenging tightly held beliefs. If we think of enough as a set of circumstances, we'll feed into the pattern of fleeting accomplishments followed by pitfalls of shame.
Redefine your version of enough with this animated narrative exercise:
Think of yourself as an author or screenwriter of your book or movie. What is the life lesson your main character keeps learning
What does your character keep doing that makes your audience shake their head with a knowing chuckle?
What is your character looking for? Success? Love? Money? Where do they get stuck?
What is the climax of your story? Ponder the turning point where your character has their ah-ha moment.
How does your character transcend their patterns? How do you want this story to end?
Take enough into your own words.
